Welcome to the Episode 4 show notes!
Do you often find yourself feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed out, confused, or disappointed – or some combination of those emotions? Today, we’re talking about mindset and how to ditch negativity!
Let’s be honest…we don’t know of anyone that doesn’t think these words at some point in their day or in their week at the very least! It’s something we both struggle with at times and this strategy has helped reduce those words in our thoughts SO MUCH.
During the preparation of last week’s podcast we were talking about what else holds us back from achieving our dreams (besides the lack of a plan and those bad habits!) and this topic kept coming up, so we think it’s the perfect time to bring it to light! So, if negative words find their way into your vocabulary, or even just into your thoughts, today’s episode is for you!
You can listen to this episode on your favorite podcast platform, or using the player below:
First of all, thank you to everyone who’s given us such great feedback so far – we are so thankful for all of you and love hearing what you think! So, today we are going to talk about mindset, because as an entrepreneur, mindset might be one of THE most important and overlooked keys to success in business. We work to perfect our craft. We work to promote a professional website, strong marketing, find knowledge in business practices like account and client management…but we forget mindset.
The truth is, when both of us started our first businesses, we didn’t think we needed ANY mindset knowledge or training! Over the years we’ve come to understand that the right mindset is actually the key to EVERYTHING, because if you don’t have the right mindset, it doesn’t matter how hard you work, what type of training you get, how many podcasts you listen to or books you read, it doesn’t matter what info or what training you get, you’ll never be successful or happy in your business/life.
So, even if you think this is fluff and you don’t need it, haha, stick with us! We can bet you do – especially if you think you don’t need it, that’s a sign that you need it more than most! Haha. Let’s jump in!
A couple of months ago, we were both part of a marketing challenge run by, in our opinion, one of the most brilliant marketers in the world – we were really lucky to be a part of it! Most of his teaching or speaking is directed at people in network marketing, or who have a home based business, but I (Anna) actually followed him for a really long time, even back when I was just a photographer, because I have always found a lot of value in learning from people who are not in my own industry – I think it just pushes you to think about things in a new way. And I was really inspired by something he taught during the marketing challenge (it’s not even really marketing related specifically so it’s funny that this was the thing that was most impactful to me), but it just really really stuck with me. It’s simple but it’s totally shifted things in my own life and business – and I know it has shifted things bigtime for Aimee too, so we wanted to share it with all of you.
We think that this is something that I think a lot of people need to hear! So basically the tip is this: You get to keep what you speak. And we’ll explain what that means in a minute, but it’s: you get to keep what you speak.
So, if you find yourself often saying the words frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, disappointed, stressed, stuck, or anything like that…if you use some of those words or all of those words on the day to day basis, then you are creating that reality for yourself. So let us explain what we mean by that:
If you’re stuck using those types of words, then no matter what type of training you get, or how many podcasts you listen to or books you read, it doesn’t matter what info or what training you get, or if you have someone amazing in your life trying to help you, it doesn’t matter what kind of training or info or education you get, it won’t matter, it won’t impact you.
And if you’re someone who’s learning something new and you start to feel this resistance while you’re learning it, hearing it, reading it, and all the sudden you think to yourself: “Man I’m just frustrated this isn’t working, or this is really confusing, I’m just so confused.” When you speak those things out loud to yourself (or in your head), you get to keep them.
So, for example, if you wanna remain stuck, just keep using the word stuck. If you want to remain frustrated, just keep using that word, and you will continue to find instances that feel frustrating to you. If you want to be confused, keep saying I’m so confused.
We’re all aware that a lot of people will even listen to this advice or hear this stuff, and they’ll feel defensive, and they’ll say “no, I actually am confused, I’m just saying it like it is, I’m just sharing how I feel.”
But telling it like it is, keeps it like is. Justifying where you and your confusion, keeps you in that confusion.
So instead of saying or feeling I’m so confused by this. Say: I’m learning, and I’m grateful for what I’m learning.
Something that really resonated with us is this tip: If you find yourself repeating a negative statement like that over and over, just think about adding to the end of it “and that’s what I want.” So, if you find yourself saying, “I’m overwhelmed”, you’re actually saying: “I’m overwhelmed and that’s what I want.” “I’m frustrated and that’s what I want.” “I’m stressed out, and that’s what I want.” Adding that blurb to the end of your negative thoughts will help make you think twice when these thoughts pop up.
And another way to think of it and put things in perspective for yourself – is if you’re someone that’s always frustrated, we can guarantee there’s someone out there that has a way more frustrating situations or circumstance or obstacle to overcome. We all hear those stories of people who overcome incredible things and go on to be successful despite their circumstances. And that is because they have this mindset that we’re talking about and they don’t use these types of words.
So whatever you’re repeating over and over, whether it’s a powerful statement that empowers you and moves you forward, or it’s a limiting statement, that’ll be your experience.
So, say to yourself instead: “I’m not perfect, but I’m learning. I’m going to go forward and make this happen no matter what.” And the cool thing is that when you say positive things like that, you get to keep those things too.
You literally get to choose how you experience life and how you overcome obstacles and how you deal with frustrating situations. And you get to choose whether you speak powerfully or not. And if you change your words you can change your life. And you also attract what you speak. So if you find yourself around frustrating people, or people who are always frustrated or confused or whatever, then that is probably a result of you being frustrated and confused. But if you start to shift towards positivity, you’ll start attracting more positivity into your life as well, and you’re going to attract people that are more positive. And good things will come to you.
So instead of saying I’m confused, say “I’m gonna figure this out.” I (Anna) think that especially having been a business coach for tons of photographers over the years, I would hear so often, “I just don’t know how to do this, I’m confused, I don’t know what to do next,” and I think one of the most powerful statements that a business owner, entrepreneur, or really anybody, even a parent can have is…instead of doing the whole, I’m so confused I just don’t know what to do next, is instead to say “I’m going to figure this shit out.” That is one of the most powerful statements I think a business owner could use.
AIMEE: “I have definitely done that thing for so long where people ask me how I am and i just automatically answer with “Oh I’m so busy, or stressed, or overwhelmed, so just thinking about it in this way it made me do a gut check. My big one is overwhelmed. I’m always saying I’m so overwhelmed, I say that to my husband all the time. But that stops now, because I don’t want to continue feeling overwhelmed.”
Another point we want to make is that no one else, other than you, can override your words. There’s no one else that can change this for you. Your words will always win in your life. If you say you’re overwhelmed, that’s always what is going to win and be your reality. So this is something that only you can change, no one else can do it for you. So that was super powerful to us, because it is really easy to let negativity rule you if you’re not intentional.
You get to keep what you speak.
What’s interesting, is that negativity is actually easier than positivity. They’ve actually done studies on this that show it is exponentially hard to change a negative mind to positive than it is to change a positive mind to negative. So that means that we have to do that work. We have to rewire our brain to see the positive and to accept or predict that positive will come.
I (Anna) have definitely have struggled with this. Like, I could get a ton of positive feedback on something, a bunch of positive reviews – but then ONE bad review comes in, and that seems to be the one that I can’t stop thinking about and focusing on. IT’s almost like that one bad review holds way more weight in my mind than all the positive stuff. Or, I mean, I love the company we’re in now – LOVE IT – but everyone once in awhile I’ll see one of my friends rant about network marketing or MLMs, and it really affects me you know? I know how much good we’re doing and we’ve done, I feel so positive about things, and then one bit of negativity throws my mindset off and I have a hard time shaking off that negativity or not letting it affect me.
AIMEE: I’ve really struggled with this as well, but quite often I’m the one doing it to myself! It’s amazing how many times a day my brain assumes I’m not worthy of something. Or that I’ve done something wrong to CAUSE a bad outcome. One of my favorite quotes recently is from Michelle Obama and it felt like she slapped me in the face when I read it. “Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result.” WHY do we do this to ourselves?! Why do we assume something will fail? Why do we focus on the fear it will failure to the point that we practically will failure to happen? And possible the most important thought I had about this is…WHY DO WE CARE?!?! I mean seriously? What happens when we fail at something? We pick ourselves right back up and we move on. How often does someone actually notice this and judge that ‘failed’ person because of it? The only thing I ever feel for others in that positions is sadness that it didn’t work out for them. We need to get out of our own heads and find a way to focus on the positive that does exist in our lives. Not the fear, not the negativity, not the what ifs.
ANNA: Yeah, I mean, focus on that failure and failure is exactly what you’ll get. (example of driving while focusing on something other than where you want to go) It’s crazy when you think of it that way. We worry so much about failing that focus on it and obsess over and then we end up making it happen for ourselves. But if you focus on success only, you can make that happen to – and as a bonus, you’ll be a happier more positive person in general throughout the process by focusing on the good. I mean, even if this stuff didn’t really WORK, wouldn’t it at least be awesome if you felt happier every day because of it?
And, what’s been really powerful for me, is to not only identify the negativity that I’m promoting in my life, but then to actually use affirmations in my life and business to change my mindset over time.
AIMEE: And if you don’t know what affirmations are they are literally just positive statements that you create for yourself to change your mindset over time. I’m curious, if you are listening, do you use affirmations? If so, please share that with us in the B&M community. This is going to sound so incredibly corny, but I started using more affirmations when The Greatest Showman and My Little Pony were like the only movies my kids would watch! So many of the songs are chalked full of positivity and affirmations, that I caught myself repeating lyrics in the midst of stressful situations. One of my favorites from the Greatest Showman is “There’s nothing you’re not worthy of.” The first time I heard that. REALLY heard that – it was a shock to my system. WHY have I never thought that of myself?!
Oh! You know why I included My Little Pony? Because there’s a song in there called ‘It’s Time to be Awesome’ that gets me pumped EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! Haha I can’t tell you how many times I played that for myself and how many times I’ve repeated those lyrics in my brain when I sit down at my desk. If you have not heard this song – go google it and have a listen. You’re welcome. 😉
Now Anna, you gotta share about how you used affirmations!!!
ANNA: Yes, so, I used to be totally uninterested in this stuff, I thought it was weird, but I have seen the power of affirmations in my own life over and over again. I think the biggest example is definitely how I used them to have pain free births. That is probably an entire podcast episode in itself, to talk about birth culture, so I’m not going to go into a lot of detail today. But, I’ve had all 3 of my babies at home, I am really into homebirths and all of that – and my first birth was really hard and painful and kind of scary. And, honestly, I expected it to be that way because that’s all that you see in tv shows or hear from other people….and sure enough, because that’s what I believed, that was the reality that I created for myself. For my next two births, I knew something had to change, and I actually used this course called hypnobabies, which incorporates affirmations and relaxation techniques, along with a ton of education about childbirth, and using the affirmations and learning how to relax and shift my mindset and beliefs around how painful birth is, my second and third births were completely pain free. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s the truth. So, affirmations and shifting to a positive mindset can literally change the way you physically feel – it’s incredible. We’ll definitely have to do a podcast episode on that – if you want to know more about that please get in touch and let us know!
AIMEE: One tip I love, and I can’t remember where I learned it from, is to use daily ‘trigger’s’ to remind you to say your affirmations. Try to pick something you do consistently everyday or often throughout your day. An example of something consistent you do everyday is wake up. Everyday, when you wake up, say your affirmations. An example of something you do often throughout the day is like walking through a doorway, sitting at your desk, or if you are working primarily through your phone, when you pick up your phone! You can pick an affirmation of the day or the week…you can pick an affirmation for each trigger…the options are endless!
ANNA: Ok, so this probably, hopefully, all sounds good to you – but obviously like we talked about, it’s not easy to shift your mindset out of the negative and into the positive, so now we want to help walk you through some steps to make this easier for you:
AIMEE: Yes, so what we want you to do today, something that’s really helped us – is to take a couple of minutes and sit down and make a list of all the negative thoughts/words that you know pop into your mind throughout the day. Maybe some of the words we’ve mentioned today have resonated with you (overwhelmed, confused, stressed out, disappointed, frustrated). And we have a free worksheet we’ve made for you that you can download to walk you through this process, you can go get that download at businessandmotherhood.co/mindset. So, on the top of your page, just write down all of these negative words that you consistently say or think. And then next to each word, what you’re going to do, is you’re going to rewrite those thoughts in a more positive way and flip the script for yourself.
ANNA: Yes, so once you’ve made your list of negative words, for example, if one of your words is “confused” – next to that word you’re going to write something like “I’m going to figure this out.” And from this point on, when you feel yourself feeling super confused, I want you to push the word “confused” from your mind and replace that thought with “I’m going to figure this out,” or “I’m still learning, and I’m grateful that I’m learning so much.” We hope that this helps you to identify the negativity that is holding you back, because we all struggle with these things!, and to start changing your own narrative. Change your words, change your life.
AIMEE: The third column is all about your affirmations. These are the sentences you will use to preemptively start changing how your mind processes negativity in your life. To go back to the ‘confused’ example, the words of affirmation you could write would be something like “I am focused and I will receive clarity throughout my day.” And what we want you to do, is over the next two weeks we want you to read each of your affirmations out loud to yourself each morning. Doing this will allow you to cut the word ‘confused’ out of your possibilities before it even happens! Even if you think it sounds dumb or woo woo, just humor us, and watch how it changes your life and your happiness level. And when it does – we’d love to hear from you either through email or through our community!
ANNA: If you are interested in joining our community you can click here to do so! Thanks so much for popping by and spending time with us today! We hope you are able to put some of these tips into action and have a perspective change like we’ve experienced! When you are ready for the worksheet we referred to earlier and the show notes from today, you can go to businessandmotherhood.co/mindset !
AIMEE: If you are loving what you are hearing please drop a review on your podcast platform or in an email to us! These testimonials mean so much to us, so thank you so much to the many of you who already have!
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